two recipes for lobster

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Servs: 2   Prep:   Cook:

My cousin got married recently, and all guests were asked to contribute recipes to a cookbook for the newlyweds. (Nice idea, btw.) Here are mine:

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  • add   MICROWAVE LOBSTER ? the guy who founded Legal Seafoods swears by this one. We?ve never been brave enough to try it, but supposedly it?s great.
  • add   1 live lobster
  • add   ? lemon
  • add   1 beer
  • add   BOILED LOBSTER ? The tried-and-true ?Sorry, boys, the Governor didn?t call? method.
  • add   4 live lobsters (1 1/2 pounds each)
  • add   2 lemons, halved, plus more for serving
  • add   1 tablespoon sea salt
  • add   1 pack of lies
  • add   1 stereo

Instructions

  1. MICROWAVE: Put live lobster into freezer for 10 minutes. This won't freeze it, but it will deaden the senses. ?Go to sleep, little lobster. Everything?s going to be fine. Not a cookpot in sight. Just relax.? Once you?ve gained the lobster?s trust, toss him into a plastic cooking bag with half a lemon or with some seaweed. Don?t feel bad. He was a fool to believe your lies. His naivet? is what makes him so delicious. Microwave his ass on high for 8 minutes. Wash away your guilt by chugging the beer.
  2. BOILED: Fill a large steamer or soup pot with about 2 inches of water, add the salt and squeeze in the lemon juice; toss the halves in there too for extra flavor. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Reach into your pack of lies and tell the lobsters you?re taking them for a schvitz.
  3. Place the lobsters in the steamer basket or directly in the pot.
  4. Turn up stereo to drown out lobsters? pleas for mercy.
  5. Cover, and allow to steam until they turn bright red, about 15 minutes.
  6. Remove the lobsters from the pot and cool to room temperature.
  7. Enjoy.

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